Ok so most of you who know me know that my family mean the world to me, And when I say family those I mean my Mother, Father Partner and my Kids. My siblings on the other hand could use a dictionary to look the the meaning of the word “family”
just encase you haven’t already here it is below lol
I grew up not knowing or even meeting some of my cousins till I was 19 when my nanny past away, unfortunately my nanny grew up in an orphanage in the UK and didn’t have the best upbringing, so when it come to raising her own kids she made mistakes and it caused riffs between her kids and none of them speak, think she has 1 brother on facebook but even that is estranged due to not liking the person he became. (goes with the theory the family is family and accepted no matter who or what they are? something this generation need to learn) My mum has tired to do things the opposite to her mum as Nanny was interfering and that’s what caused most of the issues, so she’s always given us our privacy and never gotten involved. which didn’t work…. So when it comes to family what is the right way to approach conflict?
I have always been an open kind of person speak my mind with no intention to offend but if I do ill swiftly make up for it. if given the chance. because I do choose to be honest and approach something that made some uncomfortable I was pushed out no longer invited to the massive Christmas my sister holds every year were my parents and brother goes I’m left with a 30 mins visit in the morning and that’s it. it hurts bad. This is why I have hated Christmas in the past. last year was a new leaf we took our kids on our first family holiday for Christmas in Eden NSW and it was the best Christmas I have had in years.
My Sister has held a grudge against me for almost 8 years (without speaking to me and years of mistreatment till I walked away). I’m almost 30 and she still stuck in the past judging me for things I done when I was a teen.
Who out there made mistakes when they were a teen? I sure did and it made me who I am today and I couldn’t be more proud of the person I have become and continue to become. My kids are my world and I would like to do better than my past generation and I would like to work on the things they couldn’t. This being relationships with my brother and sister being the most important. Every birthday/Easter/Christmas this it’s the 1st thing on my mind as we don’t do any of it together. and it really saddens me, but not just for me, but for my kids to they are growing up not knowing there cousins, they know they have them but we don’t see them and kids are kids so they do ask why.
My basic mistake was a horrible thing for me to have to go through at the time,
I had been told I was pregnant with an optic pregnancy, which was a shock because I had been told by a gynaecologist I would struggle to conceive due to endometriosis. To be honest I don’t think I have ever fully recovered. not only the pregnancy but its started a whole heap of issues with the man I was seeing and the group of friends we had. Half called me a liar and the other half stopped talking to me leaving me alone once again with no sister to lean on.
so going through this alone was rough till I met my partner Jay, My sister had a baby right smack bang in the middle of it. And it took me 3 months to go meet my niece. my sister not having any idea what I was going though as thing’s at the time were already rocky. so she’s never forgiven me for that, I’m not sure I forgave myself either but since then I have done A LOT of growing up I have my own family I have a step daughter and 2 boys.
So in her cutting me out of her life she has done exactly to my boys what I done, But in spite. which I think is MUCH worse. This coming for a woman I have ALWAYS looked up to and been inspired by her, yet it took me till I was 30 to realise the way she treated me wasn’t right. and in the years I have been watching from afar with choices she has made and just now i realise she doesn’t deserve to know who I am now. and where she was the “perfect” child and I was the “fuck up” that has swiftly changed. I have never seen a more selfish person and now for the first time in her life she’s having money troubles and the stress of it is causing her to go off at the wrong people. and cant see any logic what so ever.
She’s forgetting my mum walked away from her family for her, then later on they done the same things with my dads family. for a very long time each other was all we had, but even back then she shown signs of her being better than us and becoming quite snobby, as she was my dads step child, dads family were nasty so we walked away. We have never EVER called her a half sister or my father has never called her a step daughter. I was 5 and I had said the last time we saw my dads folks “we will come back when you treat my sister like my sister” they never did so we never went back. and my brother and I both missed out on so much due to this and at the time it didn’t matter, But with how she’s treating everyone that protected her when she was younger, it does now.
As of recently she’s just had an argument with my mother, which has opened my eyes up big time to the person she really was and how blinded I have been. there is so much history behind it that it would be a 3 book long story if told.
but to ramble a few things, My sister was getting married, her husbands family turned on her, calling her nasty things, to not getting invited to the wedding. my mum approached it fixed it and made sure they were there for them to later reconcile, her husbands sister was a big big trouble maker when a teen, Also someone that started a family like me and has grown up a lot or so we thought, My mum when away oversea’s the husband’s cousin was to house sit and play feed and love my mums dog, She went there twice over 2 weeks and dog got out, was hit by a car and at lost dogs home with the broken leg for 10 days until mum returned form her overseas holiday.. before getting the go ahead to do the surgery, Mum was devastated it wiped out bank account and not one single apology from the cousin, Well the my sisters sister in law has since uninvited my mother to a family event and mum was upset. They have now all turned on mum including my sister which I think is absolutely disgusting. mums done nothing but stand by my sisters side, and this is what she gets when things get hard for my sister.. her reply is “mum you have to fix this or Christmas will be uncomfortable” mum is the one that deserves many apologies not the other way around, how does she not see this…. her reply was you cant always have what you want my sister swiftly asking why then to be shut up by well I would love it for you and your sister to reconcile but pigs will fly before that happens ey.
she went quiet….
I’m done trying to understand why my sister does what she dose. She use to have a great set or morals but over time she’s forgotten who she is or she never was that person and I idolised the wrong person.
just a bit of a rant today because I’m so upset for my mum and wish there was something I could say to my sister to make all this go away, but its really not worth it because I can see the outcome before it happens. she wouldn’t even answer the phone… She has in her mind she can not do wrong only other do wrong by her. She has never felt the feeling of being alone so we can only hope one day she does and then she gets a big wake up call to the way she’s treated people (not just me).
so in all this I have come to realise blood is NOT thicker than water, It actually runs quite thin for some unfortunate ones. To me Loyalty means so much more, and those who are loyal to me deserve to have me in their life and vice versa, And its getting to that many years where if she ever does want to work it out I’m over it because she waited to long. she even went to the extent to blocking me on facebook because she got sick of seeing my name pop up in her newsfeed for commenting on my mothers post’s…… come on! have I mentioned she’s 37 years old???
another realisation that has come up is “Facebook destroys relationships”
it gives people a wall to hide behind and attack thing’s they wouldn’t normally attack face to face, It’s given those gutless ones a voice they wouldn’t normally use. and those who have always spoke there mind continue too on facebook pages and are Judged/Blocked/Deleted for doing so
so bulling is OK if your doing it to a blood relation? no.. so many questions I don’t think ill ever understand how she became the person she did.
have you suffered from ill family relationships? how do you deal because any help I can get with this would be fantab!
well there’s a bit of my inside I hope you liked it. Feel free to share your story’s too so I know I’m not the alone. or just comments or answers to my questions…. K.. Go now 😀
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